I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
