He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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