Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
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