I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
