So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
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She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
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Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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