I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
