Just fell off a train. Bad.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
