I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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