no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
