i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
