at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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