i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
