I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
