My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
