Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
