hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
