I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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