Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
