Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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