just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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