I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
