A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
