The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
