My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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