and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
