Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
