So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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