"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
