I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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