Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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