Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Its about making memories worth repressing
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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