She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
