beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
