I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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