hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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