Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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