Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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