Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
