if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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