Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
