Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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