wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
