??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Four minutes until I can fart!
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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