your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
