apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
