Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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