I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
