There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We don't watch enough power rangers
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
