i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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