I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
