After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
