I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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