Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
