Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
