someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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