i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
