glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
