Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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