good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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