I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
