sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ttyl tear gas
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize