I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
