I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
