this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
