youre lurking in front of me
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
