Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
