Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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