Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
