He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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